No stitches, just platelets and will power
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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