He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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