hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
