is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
