she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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