I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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