The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
