How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's always time for handjobs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
