Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
