Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize