is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
