so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
