When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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