the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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