So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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