Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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