I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's official drugs can't kill me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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