nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
