Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
