Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
