He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
