she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize