I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
