I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can I color on your dick again?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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