Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
