No stitches, just platelets and will power
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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