so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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