every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
