ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
