So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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