I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
