why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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