someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
