he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The best revenge is premature balding
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
