I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
