I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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