it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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