The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
