I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
