So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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