Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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