You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
