sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
