I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
