I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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