We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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