Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
