i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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