My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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