It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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