The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
