you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
