I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
