They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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