Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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