He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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