Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
