Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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