He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
