You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
