thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
