No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
