The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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