Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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