New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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