Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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