Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
