my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
