I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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