I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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