I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
