Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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