im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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