SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
