what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
