Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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