You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
